Non-Football Appearances: Felix Bowl V: V is for Volleyball, Felixbowl VI: The Quest for More Attention, Felix Basketbowl II: Pun Intended (like I said 90% there is just a Facebook event and this never actually happened, but if it did I was there)
To clarify, I have been at all of them. That is why they are called Felix Bowls.
Championships: Thanksfelix Bowl, Reunion Bowl, Thanksfelix Bowl VII: Thanksfelix Isn't All That Clever In Retrospect, Felix Bowl XXVIII: Trying Not To Pull Anything
MVP: Felix Bowl I (Offensive)
Thanksfelix Bowl VII: Thanksfelix Isn't All That Clever In Retrospect Player Bio (11/7/2017)
Sally Dobbs
I’m sure some of you are surprised by this comparison. You’re saying to yourself, “Jarrett, why are you giving yourself Sally Dobbs when a blonde, glasses wearing nerd is available?” Please. You think I’m just taking the easy way out. Dmitri Petrovich is a 6 foot, 300 pound 11 year old. His specialties are kicking and blocking. I’m no Dmitri Petrovich. Maybe if I ate Zach Hordeski I’d be Dmitri Petrovich, but for now, I’m not.
Here’s the thing about Sally Dobbs. Her nickname is “The Boss” and not in the way the cool kids say, “Oh, that guy is the boss”. It’s more the way somebody who thinks they are in charge, but really have no impact is ironically referred to as “The Boss”. Her best skills are throwing and running, but if you actually play with her, you realize she isn’t that good at being quarterback or running. Clearly, she rated herself in this game. It’s almost like she is the one making up all the player comparisons. She’s got a little brother. I have a little brother. It just makes sense.
According to something I read on Reddit, Sally Dobbs’s NFL player comparison is Tyrod Taylor. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve played touch football and been confused for Tyrod Taylor.
Look Sally Dobbs and I may not look alike, but these are player comparisons. Like Daryl Morey, I’m not afraid to go for a cross-racial, cross-gender equivalent. It’s 2017 people.
FelixBowl XI: A Tradition Unlike Any Other Player Bio (5/2/2013)
As the record keeper of the Felix Bowls, Jarrett knows that it has been a very long time since he has taken down a title. In fact, on his 18th birthday he won his first and only Felix Bowl championship. Despite playing in every Felix Bowl and getting to a variety of championship games, he has recently always seemed to come up just short. He has had a variety of high profile rivalries and his enthusiasm for Felix Bowls have never died despite the fact that he has said on multiple occassions that he will not be doing anymore (this is the third one he has done since he first claimed he was done). Now Felix has everything to prove, he may know the stats and have the awesome sports goggles, but can he take down a title?
Thanksfelix Bowl II: Somebody Please Beat McGrath's Team Player Bio (11/8/2011)
The commissioner of the league, rankings official, general manager of operations, senior operator in charge of the rules, the list goes on, but ultimately all of these jobs don’t mean anything for Felix. He has won just one championship and rumors are circulating that if he does not knock off Ian McGrath at this year’s felixbowl, the name felixbowl will be replaced with mcgrathbowl. Felix has no excuses despite accusations that his glasses are making him play bad and that he is a huge nerd. He still loses hours of sleep remembering McGrath make a game winning catch and watching Pyfer run away from him for another game winning catch and seeing Mitchell Silver dive into a puddle all for nothing. But Felix has trained hard like he was Rocky in that one Rocky movie and he is faster, bigger and stronger than he ever has been before and is determined to erase the bad memories and maintain the title felixbowl. Because honestly it sounds way better than mcgrath bowl.
Felixbowl VII: One More for Good Measure (8/7/2011)
Player Comparison - Nnamdi Asmougha
League Ranking - #6
FelixBowl IV: A New Hope Player Bio (11/22/2010)
Felix has put pressure on himself every game to succeed, yet has watched his team come up short. In the first Felixbowl he earned offensive MVP, but gave up the game winning TD. He followed that up with a disappointing performance on his own birthday in the Birthday Bowl. It remains the biggest blow out in Felixbowl history. Felix faced rival captain Mark Pyfer in the Felixbowl II Championship game. In this tournament he had been known for his QB skills and came in to the title game as favorites but his coaching errors ended the team’s hopes. Finally he surrendered his captain duties for the first time en route to his first ever championship in the Thanksfelixbowl. For Felix his happiness would end here. Felix Bowl III was a large flop. Although Felix and his team were rolling by the end of the tournament, they did not end up with a team title, finishing in a tie for second. Felix will try to win his first Felixbowl as captain of the East team at Felixbowl IV.
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