Thanksfelix Bowl VII: Thanksfelix Isn't All That Clever In Retrospect Player Bio (11/7/2017)
Gretchen the jabber jaw Hasselhoff fits perfect with Zach the want to punch him in the jaw Lifman. Both players use their talkative personality to their advantage on the field. For old Lifman, it’s a careful array of rage inciting trash talk combined with rage inciting normal talk. For Gretchen, it’s talking really fast so that we don’t have to listen to her catch phrases that long. Both sound like good things if you don’t really think about it that much.
On the field they have similar strengths and weaknesses. Both players tend to get overly excited when the ball comes to them. They’re balls of energy. Both players signature skill is supposed to be their running and, like, I guess that’s their best attribute, but I think that’s just cause they aren’t good at much else. In both cases, when these kids are randomly assigned to your team (because why would you pick them?) you know exactly what you’re getting.
When asked, people have compared Zach to many celebs. Barney Stinson. Indian Bane. Some really good looking actor dude (allegedly because of the eyes, but cmon). But we know now that these are clearly wrong. Just like the question, “name a German person that people actually like” the answer is clearly Hasselhoff.
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